Wins and Losses

You say you're sorry
For the pain we both were in
But
I'm not sorry

If I never felt the air knocked out of me
I never would have the sweet feeling of breath in my lungs

If I never felt my body starve
I never would love myself like I do now

If marks never scratched my veins
I wouldn't have the coping skills I do now

If he never died
I wouldn't value life like I do now

If I never fell
I never would of learned how to fly

If I never had my brain kill me from the inside out
I would never appreciate how beautiful life can be

If I never felt the knives of pure anxiety
I never would have my 4.0

If I never fought with demons
I never could be this strong

If I never felt what it was like to be so so alone
I wouldn't love people like I do now

You cannot have rainbows without a little rain

Wins and losses live inside me
yet I don't always view them as losses  

You say you don't exist in my happy world
I believe you always have