Here’s the thing dad, they don’t need to know they received an email first off. They can feel all kinds of emotions without knowing they received an email and here’s why: 
How do you think you and I are talking right now? All siblings got the same information that you wanted to talk to them or write them. What they choose to do all shows in their actions or lack of. That’s why I’m talking to you right now and B or E are not. If B or E wanted to know if you sent them something they would take the steps to find out.
You can write them all you want. What you choose to do is up to you.
When you consistently ask me to contact my siblings for you, I feel like you believe I don’t matter. That I am just a way for you to get what you want. I feel like you really don’t care about what I have to say, even when you ask. It seems you always have an agenda of what you want accomplish when speaking with me and not because you want to have a meaningful conversation where both sides benefit. I feel like I’m only taking to a businessman who wants to sell me stuff , instead of a loving father who cares. I feel like that is how you treat everyone in your life. And it is pushing us away.
And it really sucked having a dad like that as a kid. It really really sucked.
Everything you did was on your terms. When you wanted to see us, you didn’t ask if it worked for us, you DEMANDED IT. Even when we wanted to seek refuge and have alone time you would barge in and then make fun of us or guilt trip us for trying to have boundaries. YOU could care less about boundaries which in turn shows you don’t respect us. Do you even value us? Do you only value that we can carry out something for you? What about our feelings dad? What about our experiences dad? What about our choices dad? What about our hopes and dreams dad? What about our future dad? What about us?
It’s just your movie and we are all side characters and pawns in your story. When we would ever try to speak up we were not heard, or worse. We were mocked. You would mock L until she had a full on anxiety attack. You would push and push and push her until she emotionally couldn’t possibly feel safe and then you would make fun of her for it. Say that she was the crazy one. That you only wanted to spend time with her. You would guilt trip us saying that we don’t care about you, and it made us wish we never even tried to care about you in the first place
Your actions made me want to kill myself. I felt crazy. I felt like something was inherently, deeply wrong with me. That I was made incorrectly because I had such a hard time functioning. Or worse, that if I wasn’t made wrong that I fucked up my self on my own by my mistakes or lack of intelligence. That took years and years of my life away. All that time was dedicated to suffering.
Couldn’t you see that there was something severely wrong with your family?
That 3 out of the 5 kids attempted suicide?
And that 2 suffered from deep depression?
Or that your wife didn’t do things for herself?
Or was always mad at you?
Or didn’t want to spend time with you or be near you?
Or didn’t want to be intimate at all?????
Didn’t you see that something was bad?
Or did you just not care?
Were you too busy carrying out your own plan to see how much pain we were all in?
Wouldn’t you think that you needed to take a break from work and heal your family?
Or be there for them for things
they wanted to do????
You told me it was because of my own sins that I was struggling with not wanting to be alive.
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